A recent study shows that deployment is taking a toll on military couples, making it difficult for them to communicate effectively.
Prior to deployment Army wives reported anxiety over their husbands' pending assignments. At the same time, they longed for their husbands to deploy in order to move forward with their lives, according to a study of 50 Army wives by Erin Sahlstein, a 51³Ô¹ÏºÚÁÏ communication studies professor.
These feelings translated into extreme communication patterns evident before, during, and after deployment. Each stage involved different issues, which made several of the wives feel like they were on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
"Couples can shut off from one another and not discuss the important issues, such as what they should do with household finances and how to deal with the children," said Sahlstein, who has studied long-distance relationships for 15 years. "Other couples communicate so much that they are putting stressors on one another in terms of dealing with deployment."
Separate But Staying Connected
With technology making it easier for military families to keep in touch, more frequent conversations are replacing in-depth discussions. Adding to the strain is uncertainty about what the military allows them to talk about and which communication tool works best.
"Families are struggling with maintaining separate lives but also trying to stay connected," Sahlstein said.
When soldiers returned home, many couples struggled to find normalcy and define their household roles. Couples experienced a "honeymoon period" of four to six weeks during which soldiers evaded conversations about their war experiences and wives steered clear of serious topics even though they wanted their husbands to open up. Some wives didn't want to listen to what happened because it would add to their worry when their husband deploys again, Sahlstein said.
Solutions
Sahlstein recommends military couples stay adaptable and flexible with their communication and address problems prior to deployment. She suggests:
- Military couples and families should remember they are in a unique situation because the military has guidelines of what can and cannot be talked about.
- Recognizing the desire to talk exists, but time constraints on both sides make it difficult to connect.
- During deployment, spouses should choose the right time and place to talk about serious subjects.
- Seeking help. Couples should not isolate themselves when separated. Talking with other soldiers and families and getting help through base services can help couples cope.
About the Study
Over a two-week period at a U.S. Army base, Sahlstein interviewed Army wives whose spouses served with the U.S. Army or Army National Guard during the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.
The research team explored the experiences of the war from the Army wives' perspective because, at least until recently, much of the academic research has focused on soldiers' experiences rather than the families they leave behind. Additionally, Department of Defense reports indicate 93 percent of military spouses are women.
The study was published in . Participating along with Sahlstein were communication professors Katheryn C. Maguire of Wayne State University and Lindsay Timmerman of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.
