Brides-to-be: Are you itching to "Say Yes to the Dress" but worried you'll become "Rich Bride Poor Bride?" if you go through with plans for a "Platinum Wedding?" Are your attempts to become a "Buff Bride" frustrating?
Your party planning woes could be blamed on the "unreality" of all those wedding shows you've been watching.
We asked Erika Engstrom, a 51³Ô¹ÏºÚÁÏ communication studies professor and author of "The Bride Factory: Mass Media Portrayals of Women and Weddings," to critique a few TV shows. For the past 14 years, she has studied how bridal media portray brides, weddings, and women.
The shows are often very negative and don't reflect well on men, either. Some programs box men and women in gender-specific roles and give false hope that everyone can have an elaborate and expensive wedding, Engstrom said. Bridal TV reality shows focus on the dress, the venue, the jewelry, and hair-dos but the shows miss a key plotline, the couple's relationship, she said.
"In bridal media it seems like the wedding is the end of the story rather than the beginning of hard work," Engstrom said.
"Say Yes to the Dress," TLC
Plot: A bride goes through the process of choosing and buying a wedding dress with friends and family in tow.
Portrayal of women: A lot of women featured on the show don't stick to their dress budget, end up paying more than they intended to, and often their families will foot the bill. "The show says you need to buy a dress to be beautiful. It's a shopping show that makes grown women look like little girls -- that they can't buy the dress themselves," Engstrom said. And the show doesn't portray wedding attire options beyond the big white dress.
The male perspective: None. "We don't have a show with men wearing tuxedos and everyone crying at his dream tuxedo," Engstrom said.
Focus on marriage/relationship: None. It's all about materialistic things, Engstrom said. Rarely is the groom seen until he's waiting for the dress -- um, bride -- to walk down the aisle.
Reality check: It can take weeks or months to find a dress but this show condenses the process to a half hour.
Pluses: Entertaining for women who want a traditional wedding and it offers an idea of dresses in style, Engstrom said. Some of the shows feature parents' struggles to pay for a dress (but most the daughters still blow the budget).
"The Bachelor," ABC
Plot: About 25 women compete for the affection of -- and hopefully a marriage proposal from -- one man.
Portrayal of women: Women are portrayed as catty, selfish, and conniving, Engstrom said. The show assumes that finding a husband is the driving force for women as opposed to living alone or being in same-sex relationships.
The male perspective: The show often portrays the guy in "agony" trying to decide who's perfect for him. Yet, the women look desperate, not the guy, Engstrom said.
Focus on marriage/relationship: Although "The Bachelor" may introduce his date to his parents, rarely does the couple's relationship get tested with real-life stressful situations like managing work, home, and family responsibilities, Engstrom said.
Reality check: "The Bachelor" and his trial dates are often in exotic locations so the show feels artificial, Engstrom said.
Pluses: The recent season of "The Bachelor" showed one woman bailing out of the show when she realized she wasn't attracted to the "The Bachelor."
"Bridezillas," Women's Entertainment
Plot: Wedding planning with brides on the verge of meltdowns.
Portrayal of women: The show perpetuates the stereotype of a hysterical female, Engstrom said. They are "all screaming, jumping up and down, and going crazy. This is not how women act every day," Engstrom said.
The male perspective: The story is told from a woman's perspective. The "Bridezilla" often berates the groom and tells him to get out of the way, Engstrom said.
Focus on marriage/relationship: Both men and women aren't shy in describing their partners' unpleasant natures.
Reality check: At least the show portrays grooms trying to help the women plan the wedding.
Pluses: The show could be perceived as empowering because women are in control but that power lies within the wedding realm. It could be entertaining to some people because, "It's boring to watch a couple agree on everything and get everything done," Engstrom said.
Note
Erika Engstrom will discuss bridal media as a guest on KNPR's State of Nevada on 88.9 FM at 10 a.m. April 5.
